Dealing with Death in College "Use it as Motivation, Not a Hindrance"

More Than Meets The Eye

by UMES Junior Paul Cornelius Jerry

Dealing with Death in College "Use it as Motivation, Not a Hindrance"

No one ever expects there love one to die, especially while they're in college.

I found out that my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 15 months before March 7th of 2010. I watched her battle this crazy sickness for months and I just knew in my mind that she was going to overcome it. During the Fall semester of my sophomore year she lost her hair and was afraid to show me her hair underneath of her wig. I had to explain to my mom how beautiful she was and to convince her to show me her head underneath that wig. That December we took her out to eat at Olive Garden as a Family and from that point on her body got worse.

By the time I went back to college for the Spring semester she had been admitted in the hospital. She stayed there for about two weeks then she went into hospice. I came home to see her before our Kappa Step Show for homecoming and she looked so weak but she still had a smile on her face. When I looked at her legs I could tell that the cancer had been eating her up because they were smaller. I didn't want to participate in the step show but she told me to still do it, so I went back to school that Sunday. Two weeks later my sister told me the doctors said she didn't have much time to live and that I needed to come home to see her.

I fought in the Golden Gloves that Friday night against one of the top guys in the country in my weight class. I dedicated that fight to my mom, but I lost by 2 points. Immediately after my fight my pops Mr. Metro Man took me over to the nursing home. My mom was on the bed speechless, I stayed there with here until the evening of the next day. I asked Mr. Metro Man if I should go to school on Sunday and he told me to stay with my mom and comfort her. Monday came around and I was still there by her side along with my brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, and Aunts.

Around 4 o'clock she started to breath less and there were pauses in her breathing. It went from 10 secs to 20 secs and then to 30secs. When it got to 40 secs I knew it was about to stop. I counted 40 more seconds and she had stopped breathing for good. I broke down in tears and squeezed her hand. The first thought that came to my mind was to draw a picture of her in the state that she was in. She looked calm, peaceful and one tear fell out of her right eye. I pulled out a piece of white paper and grabbed a pen. I captured her face and upper body in the picture.

At first I thought about not going back to school but my Mentor and Dad Mr. Metro Man told me that I can't stop now because she is gone. I have to keep succeeding and rising above the influence. When I got back to school I was still down but I kept a smile on my face and remembered why I was here. I'm here to get an education, help people, represent for X2rep, my frat ΚΑΨ, and promote this University. All of those thoughts along with Mr Metro Man's encouragement and wisdom helped me to overcome that feeling of being alone.

Now I dedicate everything to my mom because I know she's watching me and she's always beside me. When I train with the boxing team we don't just box, we "Fight for the Cure and For the Future". When I run, I "Run for the Cure". While I'm in class I bust my butt because I know how important my education was to my mom. Instead of doubting myself and feeling sorry I channel that energy into something positive. The more I give, the more I receive.

When some of my residents have problems with death in their family they come to me for help and guidance. My struggle now becomes a story to help my collegiate brothers and sisters. Some days it's not easy, I find myself just looking at the clouds as I walk to class, just thinking about my mom being up there. When I really need to feel her presence I play her voicemail back and listen to it. That voicemail connects me to her and I look at our old pictures from when we were younger; it helps me remember the good times.

Dealing with the death of a love one can be hard if you don't pray, don't have the right people around you, don't have anyone to talk to, and don't have an outlet to relieve your stress. Everybody's outlet is different. Some people sing, some draw, some write, some box, some run, some play ball, and some make music.

Whatever your outlet is hone in on it and use it to channel that negative energy into something that you like that can benefit someone else.

UMES Family!

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