I miss men’s bodies and I blame Michael Jordan.

Kathryn Barrett-Gaines, Ph.D.

UMES Director of African American Studies

I miss men’s bodies and I blame Michael Jordan.  Perhaps he has skinny legs.  Perhaps he has an unsightly scar on his thigh.  Who knows why he decided to create the world’s longest shorts to wear on the basketball court?

As goes basketball, so goes men’s fashion.  Over the course of two decades, men have let themselves go.  Shirts are blousy and baggy and untucked.   Trousers are four sizes too big and beltless.  Waistbands are below butts; empty rears bang the back of the knees.  This style, or lack of style, has gone international.  Young men all over the world waddle like ducks as they try to keep their trousers from falling to their ankles.

When are women going to rise up against this baggy clothing nonsense that we have been suffering for years?  Michael Jordan is retired, for God’s sake!  Why are men’s clothes still so loose?

This tired fad has allowed men to become relaxed about their fitness.  Men have turned soft.  Many are turning to obesity like a new religion.  Women must protest this!

My high school boyfriend was a star basketball player.  His shorts revealed incredible thighs.  His thighs were like the trunks of young strong trees.  Would he have been my boyfriend if his shorts had been so baggy that I couldn’t see his beautiful body?

Two signs of hope have appeared to me lately, like divine apparitions.  First, on an international flight, I viewed the film Stupid Crazy Love.  The hero’s tutor wears beautifully fitted clothing on a beautiful body.  The camera lovingly pans his long legs and fit torso, gift-wrapped in a clinging suit that reveals every masculine angle and curve.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing on the screen!  A man’s body!

The second hopeful cipher appeared to me at a theatre in Kampala, Uganda.  Ugandan superstar Bobi Wine took the stage in a fitted black three-piece tuxedo.  During the course of his show, he removed his black fitted jacket.  After a song or two in his fitted silver vest, he removed that also.  His tailored black shirt outlined a fit torso.  Slim black tuxedo trousers, belted around his narrow waist, thanks be to God, revealed a high tight rear end and firm shapely thighs.  Ah, a man’s body.

Men, consider giving a gift to women.  Consider abandoning this tiresome trend of baggy and loose clothes.  Consider upping your pride in your body.  Consider taking care what you eat and how much you eat, so that your body appears to be cared for.  Consider displaying a bit of your body for us.  We don’t need skin; we are not looking for nudity.  We are looking for your manly figure.

God bless Michael Jordan for giving us years of breathtaking and inspiring athleticism.  But enjoy retirement, Mike, we want men’s bodies back!

Kathryn Barrett-Gaines

UMES Family!

Leave a comment.

SHARE our blog with other people interested in Real Life @ UMES.

The Real Life @ UMES Blog is a place for our commentary and opinions about what life is really like @ the University of Maryland Eastern Shore. It is not designed to express the views and opinions of the University as a whole. Peace.